
Horace’s Heist by Nathaniel Nelson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
—
Horace sat, alert, watching the riders of the train. He observed each individual passenger, picking out the perfect targets.
One passenger, two rows down, with his back facing Horace was playing Poker with someone else. Horace recognized the passenger immediately: his name was Tristan Tallow. His opponent was Harry Jackson.
Tristan was clearly winning. He was currently scooping a heap of money to his side of the table and attempting to fit it all into his coat pockets.
Horace smiled. He had found today’s target. He watched him the whole train ride, evaluating him. He was far too cocky to bother counting the money; he wouldn’t notice if any of it was gone.
—
The train stopped. Tristan stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He walked calmly to the train exit and disembarked, with Horace shadowing him from a distance.
As Tristan took his first step out of the train, something fell from his pocket: a dollar bill. Horace’s eyes lit up: he wouldn’t even have to pick the boy’s pocket; half of his work had been done for him. He stooped down and picked up the bill, then put it in his pocket. Tristan didn’t seem to have noticed.
Horace followed him the entire walk to school, and each time anything fell out of Tristan’s pocket he was there to recover it.
—
Horace entered the classroom, smiling to himself. Ms. Lemming was standing at the front of the room, writing something on the chalkboard. She whipped around as Horace entered and looked at him with furious eyes.
“How dare you smile in my classroom?” she barked. “Get to your desk. Class starts in two minutes.”
Ms. Lemming must have been in a bad mood that morning; she never went so far as to be intolerant of smiling. Giggling, talking, even breathing through your mouth were all things that could get you chained to the wall and flayed, but smiling? Horace quickly straightened out his face lest he be burned alive in a bed of hot coals.
—
The bell rang. Lunch-time. Horace walked outside with the rest of the class.
They ate lunch in the courtyard outside of the school. Moldy, warped wooden picnic tables with benches that were always damp from left-over rain water were scattered all around. A hedge about four feet tall went all around the perimeter of the courtyard, ensuring that none of the children would escape. At the front there was an opening in the center and a wrought iron fence.
Horace always sat at the table in the far corner of the courtyard, observing his classmates. Nobody ever sat at the table with him. His general hostility to anyone who dared approach made sure of that.
So, of course, it was a surprise when Bartholomew, who had been sitting at a table close to the center of the courtyard, stood up and began to approach Horace’s table, confidently at first, but more and more tentatively the closer he came.
Horace said nothing to Bartholomew; he simply stared at him, waiting.
“I—I saw you following Tristan,” he managed to get out hesitantly.
Horace squinted at Bartholomew. “No you didn’t.”
Bartholomew looked taken aback. “Well, maybe I didn’t, then. But I’ve got a proposition for you.”
Horace cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Go on.”
“I—I see you taking things all the time. So—so you must be pretty good at stealing.”
Horace tilted his head to the side. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tell me your proposition.”
“Well, umm… I need to break into Ms. Lemming’s house.”
Horace’s eyes went wide and his eyebrows shot up. “You’re insane. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never stolen anything in my life.”
Bartholomew sighed. “She took something from me—a whole lot of money. I didn’t have time to count it, but it’s a very large sum. I’ll give you… a fourth of it if you help me.”
Horace smiled. “I’ve never stolen anything, I’m telling you,” he explained. But he drew very close to Bartholomew and whispered in his ear, “I’ll do it for a third.”
Bartholomew grinned widely and walked away.
—
For the third time that day, a bell rang. School was over, and with perfect timing, too: Horace had just finished formulating his plan.
He found Bartholomew as he was leaving the school, and he grabbed his shoulder. “Wait for everyone to leave.” He gestured to the hedge that surrounded the courtyard. “Then we’ll hide behind that and wait for Ms. Lemming to leave with Alice.”
After the courtyard cleared out, Horace and Bartholomew both concealed themselves behind the hedge by crawling through it. On the other side was an empty field of grass, overgrown with weeds. After brushing all of the leaves, thorns and twigs off of himself, Bartholomew put his face to the hedge, trying to see through it, to the great annoyance of Horace. He pulled Bartholomew back and whispered in his ear, “Don’t get so close to it; you’re making too much noise. When Ms. Lemming comes out we’ll hear her.”
And so they waited. Almost an hour went by before Ms. Lemming and her daughter, Alice, finally came out of the school. They made their way down the courtyard and out through the fence, whose rusty hinges creaked as it swung open.
Ms. Lemming came to the sidewalk, and to the boys’ horror, she turned left and started to walk. She would walk right by the field and see them, and what would happen then?
Horace shoved Bartholomew face-first into the hedge, and dived in right behind him. He crossed his fingers that he hadn’t made too much noise. If they got caught it would mean certain death.
Horace saw them vaguely through the hedge. Ms. Lemming stopped abruptly. Her head shot up, and she started to probe the air with her nose. She sniffed erratically for more than a minute. Her eyes swept around suspiciously for a few seconds before she was finally satisfied and continued on. Bartholomew let out a sigh of relief.
After waiting for a few seconds, Horace crawled out from the hedge and back into the courtyard, where he crouched behind the hedge. Bartholomew followed, eager to get out. Horace hazarded just a peek over the hedge, and only one long enough to see Ms. Lemming and Alice turn a corner to the left.
Horace stood up and hurriedly ushered Bartholomew to follow him through the wrought-iron fence. He swiftly walked to the end of the street and peered around a building. He saw Ms. Lemming and Alice about halfway down the street.
And so they followed Ms. Lemming in this manner, peeking around corners and waiting for her to get to the end of the street, then running to the next corner. As they went, Bartholomew recognized this path as the one he usually took to the train station after school. He wondered if that was where Ms. Lemming was headed… surely not, he concluded. She must ride the luxury train that Tristan and Horace and all of the wealthier children took. But that was far on the other end of town. She had to be going somewhere else.
—
Eventually, they came to the train station. Oddly enough, it was Bartholomew’s train. He wondered why Ms. Lemming couldn’t afford to take the luxury train.
As Ms. Lemming boarded the train, Horace gestured for Bartholomew to follow him. They got on at the opposite entrance and found a seat a few rows away from Ms. Lemming, so that she wouldn’t notice them but they would be able to see when Ms. Lemming got off.
As the train lurched to its start and the beginnings of nausea came over Horace (Bartholomew was used to the feeling, and could overcome it easily by now) Bartholomew whispered to Horace, “I wonder why she can’t afford to ride the luxury train.”
Horace pressed his hands to his face and groaned.
—
They rode the train for about a half-hour before Ms. Lemming finally disembarked. Bartholomew and Horace got off the train a few seconds after her and Alice, long enough that an entire crowd of people had collected for them to hide in. They exited the train station and Horace scanned the crowd for Ms. Lemming.
Meanwhile, Bartholomew was observing their surroundings. They were in one of the bad parts of town. The buildings were covered in graffiti, the curb was crumbling in places, and along with the water that trickled down the gutter, there also flowed dirty tissues, candy wrappers, chewed-up wads of gum, and all sorts of litter.
“Ms. Lemming lives in this neighborhood? This is horrible! It’s worse then where I live,” remarked Bartholomew.
Horace finally picked Ms. Lemming out of the crowd. She held Alice’s wrist tightly in her hand, so that she wouldn’t lose her in the crowd. She had a look of concern on her face. Concern? This was not an emotion Bartholomew thought Ms. Lemming capable of. Was she actually worried about her daughter?
Bartholomew was jerked from his thoughts by Horace’s voice. “Come on.”
Bartholomew followed, absentmindedly frowning.
—
As Alice and Ms. Lemming walked on, the crowd began to disperse as everyone went their separate ways. Once the crowd started to become too thin, Bartholomew and Horace reverted to their old system of looking around the corners. After about five minutes of this, Horace looked around the corner and found that Ms. Lemming and Alice had disappeared from the sidewalk. After scanning the street, he realized that they had gone up a driveway and were now standing at the door of what they presumed was Ms. Lemming’s house.
It could not possibly have been more different from what Bartholomew had imagined. He had always thought she lived in a five-story castle, with guard dogs patrolling the perimeter and turrets on the battlements. The house she had just entered could be described in two words: falling apart.
The whole building seemed to be sinking into the ground. It was slanted sharply to the left. The concrete steps up to the porch had several chunks missing, and there was a large hole in the shingled roof. On the left side there was a wooden fence with a gate, which presumably led to the back yard.
Bartholomew gasped. “This is where she lives? Ms. Lemming lives in that—that thing?”
Horace smiled. “Looks like we found it,” he said cheerfully. “Now all we have to do is break in, find the money, and take it.”
Bartholomew nodded weakly, but he was already having second thoughts. How could he take the money from Ms. Lemming now, knowing that she lived in poverty, that her house was steadily sinking into the ground?
Horace went around the corner and moved towards the house, but Bartholomew stopped him.
“The deal’s off,” he said with conviction. “I can’t take the money from her now. Just look at her house! She needs the money more than I do.”
Horace stared at him strangely, then turned around and simply resumed his walk to the gate.
“Wait!” Bartholomew called out to him. “You can’t do that!”
Horace looked back at him, smiled, and began to walk across Ms. Lemming’s lawn. Bartholomew bit his lip and ran after him. He caught Horace’s arm just before he opened the gate and pulled him back. “Horace, you can’t steal from Ms. Lemming!”
Horace broke free and swung open the gate. He tiptoed inside with Bartholomew close behind.
Behind the gate was a lawn of dead grass. The grass came right up against the wall of the house at the right side, and then went around a corner. In the wall to the right there was a window which looked into Ms. Lemming’s living room. One wall of it was devoted entirely to a very large bookshelf, which was filled from top to bottom. The rest of the walls were covered in flaking yellow paint. There were two very old-looking armchairs in opposite corners. Their cushions were torn in several places and one of the chairs was missing an entire arm. Sitting in one of the armchairs was Ms. Lemming, absorbed in a thick hardback tome.
Horace had noticed Ms. Lemming in the window and was stooped down to walk past it without being noticed as he crept around to the back door.
Just as Bartholomew was creeping past the window and Horace was disappearing around the corner, Bartholomew had an idea. He drew a pen out of his pocket and scribbled something on his hand: “Somebody is coming through your back door to rob you.” Then he knocked on the window twice and pressed his hand to the window, still crouched down so Ms. Lemming would not see him. He waited a few seconds before withdrawing his hand and running for his life.
Ms. Lemming shrieked and jumped out of her chair. She ran to the window and looked out of it in both directions. Bartholomew was nowhere to be seen. She heard the back door creep open.
—
The next day, Bartholomew arrived at school late. He noticed two strange things that day as he sat in his desk: first, Horace was absent today. He could imagine he was in the hospital recovering from a severe head injury. Second, Ms. Lemming did not reprimand him when he walked in. She simply turned her back on the chalkboard and smiled at him. He swore that she winked, but it could just have been a figment of his imagination.